did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
