So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
