If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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