I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
