Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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