im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
