So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
