Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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