Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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