I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
