it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
