Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
