My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
