I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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