I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
