for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
you never un-have a 4some
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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