my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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