i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
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If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
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all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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