Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
