just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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