were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
