when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
