i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
