So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
