having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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