He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
