yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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