i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
