I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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