Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
