be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
