And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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