Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
