69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
