dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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