Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
