3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
