Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
