I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
we're so committed to being not committed
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
