I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
