You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She needs sedatives and a leash
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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