I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
