I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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