you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
