Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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