You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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