I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
