It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
