ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We are two peas in an std pod
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We don't watch enough power rangers
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
