She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
