Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
