last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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