you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I love you. Go after that dick
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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