In the future we'll all be gay
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
