It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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