I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
