Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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