I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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