Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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