Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
