I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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