I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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