I look better un-naked...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
