Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
