So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
