Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
