my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
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No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
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How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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