So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
