I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
