Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
