I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
