my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
