I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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