Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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