is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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