I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
