Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
