I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
