this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Randomize
