the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize