i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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