break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
