Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
